Pet Talk with Vicki Davis

Our relationship with a pet can be one of the truest experiences of friendship we ever encounter.  Their love is unconditional. When others disappoint you, they are at your side to make us laugh, lend an ear and in general, do what they can to soothe us. So when this pet dies, it’s natural to feel sorrow and grief, and to mourn the loss of such an important part of our lives. Since everyone doesn’t share a love for animals, there are people who might be insensitive to your mourning. This can make it difficult to acknowledge your grief. My advice is to avoid those people and surround yourself with friends who have had a similar loss and are supportive as well as understanding.

When a pet dies, it is important to acknowledge your loss as real. There’s a reason you get up in the morning and go to the door to let the dog out before you realize you don’t have a dog any more. There’s a reason your house seems (and sounds) so empty and there’s a reason it feels like a part of your world is missing and has been replaced by sadness. It’s because you lost a good friend and one that was a part of your life every day.  Not only are you sad, but your daily routine has changed drastically.

Some pet owners have a memorial service to help honor the pet which also helps to accept the finality of death. Sprinkle their ashes along your favorite walking trail. Plant a dogwood tree in their honor. Some tree species may even remind you of your pet in some other endearing way. But since you want to look at that tree for years to come in remembrance of your friend, do plant a hardy one!

In this day of advanced veterinary medicine, many of our pets are living to be a very old age. Sometimes this means the decision of euthanasia might be an issue you have to deal with. It’s never an easy decision and actually takes a great deal of strength and love. Some people really struggle with worrying if they will know when it is time. Having gone down that road myself more than once, I can assure you that you will know. When your pet can no longer live with dignity or without pain, it is time. Quite often the look in their eyes will look very different all of a sudden, and their eyes will speak volumes to you. If you are still unsure and concerned about your pet suffering, you can always consult your veterinarian or local humane society.

If children are involved and this is their first experience with death, be very careful how you explain it. How you decide to handle it could make a huge impression on their conception of death. If you tell them Buddy went to sleep forever, they may be afraid to go to sleep at night. If you don’t show your feelings of sadness, they may think their sorrow is unnatural. Explain that your pet’s death was not anyone’s fault and that your pet is no longer in pain. If your pet was euthanized and you need help explaining the process, your vet or local humane society should be able offer some advice or assistance. Encourage your kids to talk about the fun times and good memories of your pet. Involving them in a memorial service will help them move through the stages of grief in a healthy way.

Don’t let people judge you if you decide you can’t live without the pitter patter of furry feet in the house for another minute and you get another pet right away. Also, don’t let people tell you it’s time to move on and get another one. Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong answer as to when you should get another pet. I take that back – the right answer is: get one when you are ready.